No Deer, But a Nice Shin Bruise!

Okay, I slept in the most uncomfortable bed on Monday night. Like, my sisters old futon is the bed from hell. Thing sounds like a squealing pig every time you turn. Dear bed, I'm not that fat so stop making me feel that way. So my dad's always like "You gotta get up super early to go hunting so you'll be ready". So 5:15 comes around, and in my head I'm thinking "it doesn't get light until 6:30.... why the HELL am I awake right now!". Fact: Takes me about 20 minutes to get ready. So after rolling around on squealing hog bed for a while (which, drove me buckwild cuz it was as annoying as all hell) I was ready.... by 6. Like, gear on, pack packed. Pitch black outside, still. If you know me, you know I can't see for crap in the dark. Like, this one time, I walked into a wall because I tripped down a set of stairs (that I couldn't see) and hit my nose and it was swollen for a few days. So Scott and I head out in the dark anyways with a headlamp (A HEADLAMP, as in 1 tiny light for 2 of us). So poor Scott is holding the headlamp and I'm all like "UM, shine that around the woods, and in front of us" and he's like (intelligent) "Um I'm going to shine it on the ground so we can see where we are walking". Hm, to the girl who broke her ankle from tripping on a stick, this should seem logical [noooooooope]. So I snag the light from Scott so I can swing it around in a million circles to see, ya know, if somethings trying to get me (not like I'm carrying a gun or anything: I'm a bit of a wuss). So after sounding like a herd of elephants walking on Christmas ornaments (loud as helll), I get to my tree stand in the swamp and Scott goes away. Molly, by herself, in the woods. Always resulting in some kind of ya know, fiasco. So I'm sitting in my tree stand and it's starting to get bright out and dang, like it's cold as hell. And my feet are cold. But, my backpack is penguin egg tucked between my legs ya know incase I need whats in my backpack (oh, maybe a cushion that I didn't put under my butt? Or a thermal shirt that I didn't put on under my jacket? Or a box of matches? All stuff that I desperately need next to me while crowded on a little seat in the middle of a tree). So my feet are freezing, but I can't move them, but I have to. Soooo, of course, I shift my foot and oh whoopsies there goes my backpack. High class mistake: the arm of the pack gets caught on a tree branch right next to the ground. What a nice little backpack hanger, couldn't have thought of that one before. So an hour passed and nothing was going on, other than my organs freezing off, so I decide to walk around for a bit. Within like, 10 minutes, I get hard core caught in a tree. So my dad likes to "be the deer" so like, I go through the thick stuff (which, in being the deer, I sound like a stampede of buffalo so obviously I suck at it) because he does. And the tree grabs me from the backpack. So I'm trying to get this devil tree off my back while holding my gun because this would naturally be a good time for a deer to come up and lick my face, when I'm tangled up in a gnarly-ass tree. So I'm swinging my arm back, grunting like a baboon, looking like a mess. Finally the tree let me go. So then after walking a while, I decide to sit in another ladder stand because apparently I enjoy losing feeling in all my limbs. About an hour passed there, so I decide ya know organs shutting down again, I should walk. I walk down to this swamp and friggin ruffed grouse blasted out of the trees, scaring the shit out of me. If you've ever flushed a grouse, you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. I could have shot them too (well, probably not but I could have tried at least). So I poked and sat for the rest of the day, but the classiest move I had came towards the end of the day. I'm contemplating how to cross this brook like, its 2 feet wide and I just can't figure it out (how about hopping over it, dumbass). So I lead on this nice [VERY dead] tree like the "cool guy" lean with one elbow against the tree. Whelp, apparently the bed wasn't squealing for no reason, porky, cuz that tree went right on over, as did I. Slammed my shin on a rock. Cute, since ya know I'm going to a wedding this weekend and that big blue egg is gunna look HOT with my blue dress. So in conclusion, no one got any deer yesterday (including Scott, which ya know is good so I didn't have to throw a full out tantrum like a 3 year old, like, not that I'd do that or anything...). Hopefully better luck will come in the next few weeks. But, on the bright side people, my ankle didn't break, so at least I didn't hit rock bottom again.

Me and my baby (The rifle that is. Would this girl ever call a guy "baby". Oh hell no.) and Scott.