Excerpts from A Total Wuss.. 8AM

=me while writing this. nervous wreckkk

"I'm sitting in the boat waiting for Scott to come back from his morning meeting. I've got a pen in my hand writing, and a 12 guage shotgun in the other. I've got my eyes on 2 big Kodiak bears, one within 200 ft of me, the other 400 ft. Something about having two Kodiak pigs close to me makes me a little uneasy. I know they only care about salmon but jeez, the things could rip my face off in one swipe. Declaw, deteeth the suckers, I'm good to go, but obviously not. One of these bears is inching closer to me, it's swimming and fishing, but whatever I'm having a heart attack. I'm too afraid to move, but obviously have a gun in my hand and should be fine but just want to run up the hill screaming and crying like a baby, but duh the bears will eat me then because they will think I'm a dying animal, which by this point I basically am. Dear self, chill out." Slight diversion: Speaking of dying animal, there was a fox SCREAMING outside my window and boom I was having a bad dream about getting attacked by a bear (seriously, I've been shaking in my space boots for the past 24 hours over these puppies). Anyways, I was so nervous that I had to take my socks off (serious deal there). Anyways, "I'm literally dying here. Oh, Scott's back, thank god I'm safe. Call me a baby, call me maybe, whatever".

My Life Is National Geographic

Hatchery from the float plane!

Oh my god, I'm in love

Sitting on the fish ladder taking pictures of bears!

Yeahhh baby, first fish to eat and bring home!

Uh, holy crap, bears.Everywhere

“Holy crap” seems to be my new favorite phrase in life, seeing as I said it about 5,000 times today. I woke up a little nervous about the float plane ride, since I’ve never been on one before and I made the mistake of reading “Alaska Survival Stories” before coming out here- seemed like float planes crashed oh, all the time. There were four of us squeezed in this little plane. The guys (so nice) let me be the copilot, leaving them basically lying on top of eachother in the back! It was pretty hilarious actually. Once we took off, it was one of the coolest things I’ve ever experienced! We flew over some fin whales and other whales (ok I’m telling myself I saw a killer whale, even though I probably didn’t!). Let me know say I’m the most obnoxious person ever. I have a headset on and I keep going “oh my god, is that a bear!? Oh my god, is that a whale!? Holy crap, this is awesome, this is awesome (probably sounded just like the guy from “I Love You Man” at the soccer game”. At the time we finally get to the hatchery, I’m like grinning ear to ear. Bears literally everywhere! Right when I got off the plane, Scott takes me to see the bears. We turned the corner, and boom there, in the face. I jumped back about 5 feet when I saw it. Kodiak.bears.are.very.huge. And they are EVERYWHERE, and I’m the only sally afraid of them. Believe it. Anyways, for the rest of the day I got to go on a purse seine boat and see them move some salmon- it was so frickin cool. Then we went fishing! Okay, so I suck at fly fishing. I’d probably be better at flying than fly fishing, or just running into the water and snatching up a fish with my teeth like a bear (or a goony-goo-goo if you’ve seen Eddie Murphy’s “The Cookout”). All I kept thinking about was “I take those kids fishing, they dip they heads in the water, and they comes up with fish. Kids are bigfeet too”. Please watch that so you can know what I’m talking about! So after giving up on fly fishing because I sucked at it and there were billions of fish everywhere and I could not do ANYTHING, I put on a spinner and caught a sockeye, coho, and pink salmon! It was so amazing- bears everywhere, fish everywhere. I’m living in National Geographic- be jealous.

Guys, This Alaska Thing Is Super

So since my New England woman butt has landed in Alaska, I have not paid for a thing! Not because I'm not buying anything, but because men just love buying me food and drinks. This is optimum for all life purposes, why don't guys out east do this? Haha. Flying today was good. NY-CHICAGO= sleepingggg. Chicago-Seattle= sleep/breathing on the lady next to me's neck the whole time we flew over the Rockies. Sorry lady, I needed a window seat for that view. Sam and Brian, we need to go there hiking. So as we flew over the awesome Rockies, I thought of how frickin sweet wolverines are because obviously I watch National Geographic and they said "wolverines just scale these mountains like all the time". I don't care how much honey badgers don't give a shit, wolverines are so much cooler. Like, they eat bones too. Anyways. I had 10 MINUTES to get from my flight that landed in Seattle to my connector to Anchorage. The nice women sitting with me said "just be aggressive and walk up the plane and tell people you have a flight to catch" sooo I try this: fail. Lady in front of me had all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, she goes "Psh well me too" well obviously your brain is full of spiders you stupid Grinch, cuz if you were thinking you'd just charge on up. Anyways, I made it to my plane only to find that I got so lucky to have the stupid aisle seat while the "Welch's Grape Jelly" mascot (yes, this lady was round, gelatenous, smelled like grapes, and dressed in solely purple) sat in the window seat for probably the best views ever from Seattle to Anchorage. Needless to say, I was fuming. Dude next to me conked out and kept snoring and going "gbababa", dunno what that means, but it was annoying. So we finally land in Anchorage and OH MY GORGEOUS. Mountains, rain, GREEN (Cape Cod seriously needs some rain, because it looks like the Mojave compared to Alaska). Seafood restaurants all over the airport. I will wait until tomorrow to eat salmon, only because I want to catch it myself. SO (best part) I get on this baby plane and the guy next to me gives me the window seat (thank youuuuuuu!!!) AND then the flight attendant goes "it's your lucky day, we are doing $1 beers for the flight on this new delicious brand" (okay, so I added delicious, because it was). Dude next to me buys us each 3. Thankk youu! So then we land in Kodiak, so I thought the Rocky Mountains were beautiful... Kodiak takes the cake. I cannot wait to post pictures gah I just cannot describe how amazing it is here! I just got back from dinner, which, since I'm a nice girl, all these guys bought my dinner. Yeahh buddy. Let's keep this going, I might be able to afford a sweatshirt with a bear face on it. Anyways, I fly out of Kodiak tomorrow to the hatchery! Hopefully I'll post some pictures tomorrow night! Time for me to get some SLEEP!

Hello Airports

After having a mild heart attack thinking "I'm going to miss my flight" since stupid New York decides that, instead of having green lights when cars are coming, they choose red when cars are coming so no one can drive anywhere.ever. I have reached my terminal! Now since, yes mom and dad you were right I panic for no reason, I am early I have time to blog, I'm going to chat a little about this airport. So, me being totally deaf and unconscious before 7am and 2 cups of coffee, I go through security and have a necklace on. Guy goes "Can you put that behind your back" me: huh? Guy: "Just swing it behind your back" me: (confused clearly, takes it off and tries to shove it into the non-existant pocket in my yoga pants. molly:0, life: 10) guy: "no, no (clearly thinks im a total idiot at this point) Put it around your neck, now hold the necklace, and put the long section behind your back. Thereee you goo" me: "oh, ha, oops". Okay, besides the fact that I'm delirious, this makes no sense. Anyways, this music playing is making me very uneasy. It sounds like the sinking scene from the Titanic combined with those ballroom scenes in movies where everyone is all happy then people start getting shot. Now it's all frantic. Ugh. Seriously, play some folk or literally anything but classical "you're going to die or have to run really fast through your next airport and we are preparing you for that turmoil" music. If I have to run through Seattle, they better play "Run Run Rudolph" so I at least can laugh about it from the Home Alone refence- probably has a 0% chance of happening.  Also (random)- Starbucks, can't you just purchase a damn toaster? Who wants to munch on a bagel without it being toasted? That's no fun whatsoever. Also, sorry United, this girl is not giving up her ticket for this overbooked flight. Maybe you should use a plane that has more than like, 40 seats. Anyways, I'm going to be boarding soon yay for marathon flying day (not). Kodiak, here I come baby.

I.Hate.Packing.

What do you do when you don't want to pack? Either you don't pack and have none of your crap, or you hate your life for however long it takes you to pack (for me, hours since I get distracted by literally ANYTHING that makes me stop packing). Unfortunately, my life needs to waste away for hours because probably cannot go to Alaska in a tank top and shorts, that's it. So I'm going to Alaska tomorrow... woah. I am flying oh, all day tomorrow. By myself. I better not get some smelly-ass person next to me for the ride. Or a screaming baby. Or a really superly fat person who's overspill engulfs my armrest (those are the worst!). Or a chatty person that I just do not want to deal with for 14 hours. Or a girl who smells like she jumped in a vat of perfume (as my dad calls is "coverscent") because I will get a migraine and, oh thanks Excedrin, way to get recalled. I'm sure it will be fine. I'm pretty excited to be going on this trip though. My time capsule from 4th grade (Yes Karl, not grade 4) said "I want to go to Alaska" then my senior year of high school note said "I want to go to Alaska" well boom, done, goodnight. Going. I am very curious as to how this is going to pan out. I'm staying at a remote fish hatchery with a small batch of people for 2 weeks to job shadow and see what it's like to work with Pacific salmon! Pretty flippin excited. I know I'm going to love the area and the wildlife (Kodiak.bears.everywhere.). I think I'm going to have to get a bigger suitcase so I can bring a bear cub home, that will solve my stalker situation. No one's messin with a girl with a 700 pound bear, straight up not happening. Things I need to remember: tone myself down aka don't be such an honest, scarcastic a-hole if someones getting on my nerves (this is going to be rough!!); don't listen to Nicki Minaj out loud, I feel like people move to Alaska to get away from that stuff; don't make 8 billion Chuck Testa references- even though it is going to be the most PERFECT area for "I bet you though this deer was alive... NOOOPE" ugh really going to have to work on that one; don't complain about other peoples cooking- even though it might be putrid and disgusting, you ate a pudding filled fish taco once, and not much can be worse than that. Hopefully people won't ask me for food recipes 8000 times a day, I feel like that could get old fast. Anyways, I'm flying tomorrow and I will be sure to use this blog as a venting session for all of the people that literally drive me ballistic while flying tomorrow, or the idiots that I have to make fun of (including myself) while traveling. Oh and obviously I'll use it for its real purpose once I get to Alaska! So pumped.

What a Hunt

We are all guilty of watching the hunting shows on tv for big whitetail bucks. Guys go out, sit in their tree stands, and watch 8,10,even 12 point bucks walk right by in search of a true monster. I don't know about everyone else, but my father and I watch those shows and yell at the tv. In New England, seeing any type of antler, mind you even a spike, is an exciting hunt. Actually, let's be honest, even seeing a deer is an exciting hunt. Last December (December 2011) seemed like the year for us to get our big buck. Our trail cam was going off every night getting great pictures of big bucks, old bucks, button bucks, and a bunch of does and their skippers (by the way, we are too lazy to set the date and time on our cameras, so all the pictures say 2005). We decided to put in some solid time scouting before the season started. We hunt in the Middlefield State Forest in Massachusetts, which conveniently is connected to my parent's property on all edges. We have a few trails through the woods to make game dragging easier (most of us hike up a few miles to get to our spots, so trails are very convenient). My dad and I went out about 15 days to find the best spots for his opening day, mine following his by five days since my school semester was still in full swing. There were quite a few areas where the deer had been feeding, and they were littered with fresh tracks, and some rubs and scrapes. My dad had a decent first week: the deer were moving, and his friend Ronnie (in the picture) shot a nice four pointer behind the house. Other than that, a few other people in the area had shot bucks, but our trail cameras were still  producing great shots of bucks after we thought all of the local bucks had been shot. We were pretty hopeful that one of us, maybe me, would score one of the nice bucks. My first day out was December 3rd. It was a very mild December day, and there were a bunch of us in the woods, so the deer had to be moving. The crew had been seeing deer all week, but on that day, not one of us saw or heard any deer. Since Mass doesn't allow hunting on Sunday's, I headed back to Rhode Island slightly discouraged, but I figured I'd get my buck the week after. I headed home Thursday the 8th to get out early Friday morning. My dad had been seeing some sign in Richmond, MA, so we figured we'd give Richmond a try since we all had doe permits there. We parked along the train tracks at 6AM just as the sun was coming up. There was a fresh layer of snow on the ground, making it easy to track deer. Almost immediately, I found fresh tracks. "If it's brown, it's down" was floating through my head as a hiked up the hill a ways off the tracks. I saw a raccoon, some birds, and some fresh coyote and deer tracks as I continued walking. After a few hours, I had found a perfect spot. There was a pile of rocks on top of a ridge overlooking a stream and some flat ground. There was a fresh scrape right below me and fresh tracks through the area. I couldn't help but think "this is it. Today is the day". I sat for an hour enjoying the silent beauty of the woods. The sun was coming up, and the snow on top of the trees started to melt. At first, it was nice, but then it got annoying. So much snow was melting and falling through the trees that I started swinging my head around like an owl, thinking deer were everywhere. Then I decided I wouldn't look when the snow dropped because it was just snow- but what if it was a deer? I got pretty frustrated, so I radioed my boyfriend (Ryan) to see what he was doing. He had experienced the same thing as me- snow falling down the back of his neck and slippery walking conditions. We decided we'd head back to the truck, get some lunch, then head back out for the afternoon. As I got off my rock pile, I noticed 3 shotgun shells. As I kept walking, I noticed a fresh gut pile. Apparently, that deer that had been scraping the area that I saw had already been found. Damn. I kept walking down the hill to meet up with Ryan. The ground had gotten really slippery. Since there was only an inch of snow, all the wet leaves and sticks underneath it were making walking extra slick. After a half hour of walking, I finally met up with Ryan. We were about 3/4 miles from the truck. As we were walking down the hill, I hit a slippery patch of leaves. As I fell to my right, I heard "crack, pop, pop, pop, pop". It wasn't a stick, it was my ankle. I fell hard on my gun and instantly clutched my ankle. It felt like it was no longer attached to my leg. I was in a full out panic. Ryan ran up to me as I rolled on the ground. The situation felt like it took hours, but we were only there for a few minutes. Ryan finally convinced me that everything was fine. I probably just sprained my ankle and tore a few ligaments-no big deal. I was starting to feel better about it. "Alright," I thought," it actually doesn't hurt that bad". We tied my boots up very tight for the walk back to the truck. As I stood up, my ankle felt weird, but not all that bad. We headed down the hill. I was still hunting- if I had seen a deer, I would have shot it, no doubt. When we finally got to the truck, my ankle was throbbing. We finally pulled my boot off to take a look at it- it was already bruised and the size of a tennis ball. We agreed that I should probably to go the hospital. After 2 hours in the hospital, I was diagnosed with a broken fibula. My hunting season was over. I picked up my crutches and adopted them into my lifestyle for the entire month of December and the beginning of January. On December 26th, I had finally convinced my parents to let me out hunting for muzzleloader season. I crutched down to my garage when I mounted onto my dad's 4-wheeler. We attached my crutches and gun to the sides of the quad with bungee cords. I couldn't make it too far into the woods, but maybe I could get lucky. I situated myself in a blue chair bordering a field where the deer commonly travel through to get to different food sources. I could hear some moving below me. Not close enough to see, but I knew something was there. Over the radio, I heard my dad's friend Stan say he had just seen the big 6 pointer close to me, but couldn't get a shot. Maybe it was him. Maybe some higher power felt bad for me because I was so pathetic. I waited, and waited, and waited. Night fell before I ever caught a glimpse of what it was. I crutched my way back to the quad and headed home. Now the hunt was over. I had to just call it a season. I guess the deer made it this year. All the pictures of the bucks I have on this blog were taken the day before the season ended- they better watch their backs next year, because they won't get away so lucky.

I'm Tired

So I didn't get a chance to write yesterday because it was such a hectic day. From noon to 8 we were on our feet flying from station to station I probably measured like a million clams and quahogs. Maybe that's a slight overstatement, but it definitely felt like it. After our shift, we watched The Proposal which obviously made my day because I love that movie. There were some big waves last night- I heard some people on the night watch got drenched when they came over the side of the boat. Luckily, I was kind of sleeping in my bed while getting tossed around like a sack of potatoes. But I did sleep. Today was the same as yesterday, a little less hectic, but still go go go until about dinner time. This is our last long steam before a busy rest of the night. I'm starting to get tired and exhausted. It has been so hot everyday and being out in the sun moving and sweating just generally wears on you. I really want a big fat piece of dark chocolate. I keep getting chocolate cravings so I eat garbage food like oreos and graham crackers to satisfy it but nope nothing helps. I just need some chocolate. And an iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts. And a bath to soak the weeks worth of dirt and mud off me. I scraped my leg today on the way up the stairs (again) and it was bleeding everywhere. How attractive. And my hair was in my face while I was pulling out quahog guts so I totally forgot I had quahog all over me and proceeded to run it through my hair. I heard mayo makes your hair smoother, how about quahog intestines? Maybe it can be a new breakthrough. I still haven't seen a stupid whale on this whole trip. Seriously, don't whales live in the ocean? Or is that a myth? Because I've been on a boat for a week and a day and still haven't seen a lousy whale. Anyways, nothing else is new. If I see a clam mascot for a clam restaurant, I may beat the crap out of it to make myself feel better. Clams are just starting to agitate me. And lets not even start on quahogs, which we have recently started cutting open for meat weight. At least you can open the clams to get the meat out- quahogs have thick shells and they are really hard to [gently]open. So I just smash them against the ground and that seems to work just fine. When I get on land I can't wait to go for a run. And to go to the mall and buy myself a ton of crap that I don't need but I want anyways. That's about it for today. Last day tomorrow! Woo hoo. I can't wait until I can get a q-tip that I don't have to steal to clean all the crap out of my ears (yes, I forgot q-tips. how dumb is that?)