Kickin Scott's Butt

As I write this, Keta lays next to me on the floor farting loudly and pawing at the "other dog" in the oven. I don't know if she's farting because she's distressed, or if she wants to see if her twin will fart back. I feel inclined to share the experiences that I deal with everyday with a dog-child. Animals are odd (yet hilarious). Anyways, lately on our days off we have just been hunting. A few weeks ago we went grouse hunting with a bunch of friends and I shot the only grouse, a spruce grouse. This is literally exactly what happened: I was walking with my friend Allison and her dog Ruger through the thick spruce eye-gouging death and I just got this feeling that I was being watched and said "I know you're in here buddy. I'm gunna find you I know you're watching me" and just like that, the grouse flew up and landed in a tree right in front of me. So, I blew his whole bottom half off (oops) and Ruger caught her before she even hit the ground. I also saw a hare, but thought if I shot at it, the pellets might hit the boys, so I refrained. Instead I was yelling "Guys, HARE, coming towards you!" So Scott starts saying "BEAR!?" and I'm yelling hare and he's yelling "BEAR??" and then our friend Jeremy chimes in "RABBIT!!" But obviously it was a lost cause by the time Scott associated that I was saying hare not bear. Which, he should have known considering if there was a bear, I would have been yelling "RUN!" or "Oh Shit!". Psh who says boyfriends know their girlfriends well, huh? Anyways, then the Monday before this one Scott and I decided to try fishing again because we were hearing that rainbow trout were hitting hard up north. So, we had our friends watch Keta for the day (she is really a horrible fishing buddy) and headed up to Talkeetna (about 2 hours north). We fished at Montana Creek and brought our guns just incase any upland gamebirds came our way. Well, after not catching jack shit for about an hour, we noticed ducks kept flying over us. So, we ran back to the car and got our guns, and layed on the ground and crawled through the woods to the pool where ducks were landing. The whole crawling process is never fun- and I got a new shirt and wore it (I know, why would I wear a new shirt fishing!? I don't know) and got crawling juice all over it. Anyways, I ended up shooting the only duck [Scott further sucking and not hitting anything], a big fat pig hen mallard. So Scott is like "you need to clean this one yourself" (clearly, he's upset by me beating him twice in a row). So I'm cleaning this duck and I'm like damn this thing stinks. Like, I've basically climbed into the butt of a deer and it didn't smell that bad (if you don't believe me, read one of my first posts about sucking blood from deer). Anyways, this duck smelled rank. I have a strong sense of smell so Scott doesn't believe me. Once, Scott went to Petco while I was in Michaels with Keta and got her a cow hoof to chew on. The whole ride home I'm like "Omg something smells so horrible gosh what the heck did you buy the dog!?" and he's all like "I don't smell anything". Anyways, I made him take a whiff of the cow hoof and he almost barfed. I think he's lucky for having a bad sense of smell, but what do I know. Anyways, 1 week later, we take the duck out to eat and Scott's like "God, this duck smells horrible". Duh, I said that ya know day 1. Anyways, lucky Keta gets more nutritious dog snacks, woof. So that's what has been up. Tomorrow we find out if we got a moose permit, I really hope so! If not Scott's convinced to go mountain goat hunting and shoot one-he can have fun with that because my ass is not scaling a cliff to shoot a goat, then rolling back down to retrieve it. No way, no how.

My first spruce grouse!

Keta (right) and her buddies Ruger and Marlin

Hunting makes baby tired

 

This place never fails to impress me

Fishing pole and bear control

My tubby mallard

Keta's newest favorite game: what's in the couch?

The Raid on Duck Beach

So I haven't been writing much lately because I feel like I'm just repeating myself- like, oh hey I'm Molly- I go duck hunting, get chased by moose, and am literally obsessed with my dog. But, some of you are still reading so I'll keep blabbing. The other day Keta and I went to the park and we were playing fetch and got chased by a hormone pumped bull moose for about a quarter mile. I locked us in a baseball dugout and fed Keta snacks until the moose walked like 100-200 yards from us (of course, he walked where I would have liked to to get home easily) then we ran all the way home (like a mile). All of this, naturally, happened after Keta and I had already jogged for 45 minutes in the park. Damn moose. So I actually got my duck hunting license and my first day out with it I shot 2 mallards, a fat female and drake. I was so proud of myself since I'm using one of my dads old guns that like, malfunctions constantly. You fire off one shot, knock a duck down a little, and go to finish it with the second shot and oh! the safety clicked on, sorry you suck. It's very frustrating! We went out the other morning with our friends and their pup and there were ducks landing EVERYWHERE by the ocean and I'm all like "lets get em!". Scott's like "See, I created a monster"- Now, I wouldn't consider myself a monster because my killing ducks % is like 5% chance I will shoot one. More like creating another idiot with a gun. So we all go trudging out to the ocean, the ducks see us, and all fly away. So the next day Scott and I go out alone and again, the ducks are all waddling around the beach eating snacks having a jolly old time. Since we learned from our last mistakes, we decided to crawl through swamp hell for a quarter mile to these ducks- talk about exhausting. Getting my ass low enough to the ground is a challenge enough, nevermind going across little rivers while crawling with a gun in your hand. I had to like frog squat and hop across- we weren't messing around. So we finally get to about 30 yards from the ducks, we were going to crawl another 10 yards and open fire on duck beach. I was getting so excited- I could see literally hundreds of ducks waddling around and like, I thought ya know maybe I could get 2 or 3! So we had about 2 more minutes of crawling before we were going to open fire, and all of a sudden BOOM. Some asswad shot at a duck WAY too high for him to shoot and he scared literally every single duck out to sea. We tried to shoot the ducks but they were still too far to get a good shot, especially flying frantically. Poor Keta goes rippin out to where the ducks were and was like "ummmm what happened!?" To say I was pissed would be an understatement- I threw an all out tantrum in the marsh. You know that scene in "I Love You Man" when the guy lets his dog poop on the beach, doesn't pick it up, someone steps in it and he just starts screaming? Yeah, that was me. Full out lumberjack howling in the marsh. Scott's all calm like "aw man shit happens" and I'm standing in the marsh waving my gun screaming "WHOEVER YOU ARE I'M GOING TO SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE! YOU SAW US CRAWLING THROUGH THIS SHITTY MARSH YOU M%#)$&RF*#$%@". I think I may have embarrassed the boyfriend-problem with bringing women hunting: we are emotional as hell. We don't army crawl through a shithole marsh to have someone ruin it for us. I think the guy grasped that there was a very angry woman with a shotgun in the marsh out to get him because I didn't hear another shot all day. He was like "Oh shit, menstral rage, I'm getting the hell outta here!". So we flailed around in the hellhole swamp for 4 more hours after that, Scott shot 8 ducks, I shot 1/2 ducks (wing shot on one, Scott finished it and blew it to smitherines). But, on the cool side, we saw a big ass bull moose the day we went out with our friends, and I got pictures, and he didn't chase me. Win!

Did I do that?

My 2 ducks, and a Keta

Getting chased by moose is tiring..

Scott Parker and pups after an ok morning

Duck beach, empty and barren

Big boy- the one that chased us was the same body size but smaller rack.

Oh yeah, this is where Scott works. Literally, right where the moose is hanging is the shotgun range.